The cleanup and publicization of a formerly private brainstorm. This title sounds like gibberish.

So when you've come this far and found so many things to whine about throughout your educational journey, you'd probably end up wanting to at least attempt to lend a hand at fixing some of these problems. Now that I'm about to enter college, I've been looking at ways to integrate the spirit of this blog into my career, whether this occurs in my future job or a side project. To start, here's a cleaner, more professional version of a private outline I made explaining the most prominent general problems I've observed throughout high school and want to help solve, mainly revolving around a theme of initiative and talent. (These observations are NOT necessarily factually correct, if it's even possible for them to be.) If you're reading this, it's probably because I asked you to, so feel free to shoot me any suggestions.

• Before I state this observation, let's set a definition: "Type 1" initiative = initiative taken in an activity that exists within an institution such as a school or a community organization, and "Type 2" initiative = initiation of an activity outside of an institution. From my observation, Type 1 initiative is encouraged more, and in the long run it is rewarded and publicized more than Type 2 initiative until a Type 2 project becomes very successful on its own. But obviously, it's not easy to attain that level of success without the kind of support structure that automatically comes with a preexisting activity/group that is connected to an institution.
• It may be easy to simply ask anyone for help in developing an idea, but it isn't always easy to find the perfect resources or collaborators, especially if one lacks an aforementioned support structure. Imagine if it were as easy as an internet search to find mentors, collaborators, or even advice--yet Google usually does not do a good job at this. The fear of starting something by oneself due to the difficulty of finding help is a major deterrent of starting anything at all. If I ever made a startup, it would be a website where one could outline any kind of project, seek help, and build a group of people to fall back on. If you know of anything like this that already exists, tell me. I know there's Craiglist and Github but there should be something tailored to ideas, and ideas in GENERAL. Generality isn't always a bad thing.
• People are often judged too much on what they've done in the past, or who they were, rather than what they're trying to get done, or who they are now. And I'm not talking about murderers on Death Row or anything. That's another story.
• Families, schools, and even after school programs and summer camps sometimes take too much control over young children in the assumption that they can't think for themselves. To an extent, it's true that kids can't make the smartest decisions alone, but sometimes they are barred from making basic decisions that affect their own lives (such as choosing between signing up for piano lessons or dance lessons). Many children are indirectly taught that their opinions and requests are insignificant. Adults often doubt young peoples' creativity and insight.

As you could probably tell, I'm interested in encouraging expression and inventiveness and making every drop of it count in all types of people. I don't know if I'll ever be able to apply my major in statistics to this vision, but it's important to me either way, and it would be cool if I could utilize technology to help give a lift to people with talent and imagination. But anyway...it's so up in the air right now. This is just the beginning of me doing stuff with my life for once. Cool.

A letter to the editor that I wrote for my school paper that is relevant to this blog...

I wrote this last month and somehow didn't think about posting it here until now. I just graduated from high school yesterday, and I, like many other high school seniors, had to go through the dilemma of pleasing myself or pleasing admissions officers. Luckily, I stuck with the former, but I felt the need to reassure other potentially struggling college applicants of the benefits of doing so.

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This is for anyone preparing to apply to college or doubting their lack of so-called “credentials” before or after the college application process.

When I was a freshman, I was directionless, whiny, and inflexible. Even after I realized this a few months too late, I spent nearly three years pacing around trying to get to where I am now as a senior. So, where am I now? You could argue that I haven't gotten anywhere at all, or that I've even gone backwards -- after all, I stopped going to one of the two clubs I was involved in, and I just gained my first leadership position a few months ago. As of yet, I have absolutely no proof that I have ambition or the ability to take initiative, and plenty of proof that I'm useless. Others may see this as an issue -- but I refuse to.

What I’ve told you are my external (lack of) credentials. Yet in reality, the time I spent staring at a wall and thinking have brought me to the insanely satisfying last six months in which I've become more understanding of myself and what I want to do with my life than ever before. The only problem is that this epiphany hasn't externally manifested itself just yet, and it completely missed my college application deadlines. Had this moment happened a few years earlier instead of now, almost everything on my applications would have been strikingly better, but what about me would have actually changed? Nothing. Had I interrupted my self-assured period of idiocy to embellish my application, what progress would I have made in getting to this moment? None.

One major yet probably irreparable flaw of college applications is that they only provide a blurry snapshot of people who are animated and constantly changing. It’s an unfair game of timing: some people’s ambitions are going to ripen before the Common App comes out while others’ are not, and there are colleges that will turn down people that they suspect fall into the latter category. Don’t bother letting this intimidate or guilt-trip you off a path that you have a good gut feeling about. The college application process constitutes a window of time set at a definite point in your life, whereas the discovery of your niche could happen at any moment and may not necessarily coincide with that window. Simply put, college applications were not designed to suit nature. If you hurry to create a marketable yet ingenuine identity for yourself when you know you need more time to realize your true identity, or if you scrap the better idea for the speedier one, you may be shutting yourself out from your own potential.

Though you may have to make a few sacrifices when it comes to any competitive application, the risk from not getting into a “reach” school is probably less than the risk from turning too far away from your destination, even if that destination is unspecified as of now. So, to future applicants, aim for matches that are likely to accept you for what you’ve done so far. This way, you’ll secure a foundation to start with. Additionally, the more choices you make in favor of personal development rather than in favor of simply looking impressive, the more you’ll be able to attribute any rejections to the admission process’ inability to fully understand where you’re headed, and the less of a reason you’ll have to feel guilty about the rejections. (After all, there’s nothing better than being blameless!)

Regardless of how you will approach (or how you already approached) the whole ordeal, though, there’s no better way to proceed into the future than to start actively being the boss of your future now. This means letting your aspirational prime happen whenever it’s ready to happen, but also taking whatever actions you deem necessary to maximize the satisfaction you receive once it does happen.

So go as slowly and surely as you want.

Potential solution to AP-induced all-nighters AND inability to soak in the material??? maybe...I don't know, you tell me.

Exactly one year after the last long, tedious rant on this stupid blog, I'm dropping another one...uuuuggghh...

(TL;DR at bottom.)

Throughout high school, I've taken some well-taught and well-structured AP classes, as well as some that were the dead opposite of that. I've been keeping mental note of things I would do differently if I were a teacher since about fifth grade, so I'm going to spill a few mental notes about teaching AP classes. I have no idea what teachers have to do to get AP certified or about the extent of requirements they must fulfill while teaching the course, but in an ideal world, I'd like what I write here to be applied to both AP's standards and to teachers' personal choices.

• Although AP exams are designed to allow only a short amount of time for each problem, practice and preparation for the exam should not completely model after the exam's time limits--at least not during the beginning of the course. If the large majority of a student's practice consists of doing problems quickly rather than accurately, it will become a challenge for them to understand the material well enough to do the problem both quickly and accurately on the exam. Understanding should be the initial goal, and once that's mastered, speed can come in. (This applies mainly to science/math subjects, but writing can also be improved this way.)

• Side note: This is no excuse for struggling students not to seek problems/material to study slowly and surely on their own time, but if they are already receiving loads of work, how are they going to find time* to self-study on top of assigned work and doing other things that matter to them? (More on a homework solution below.)

• Consider replacing agonizingly long problem sets consisting of the same, typical type of problem with short sets made of more challenging/more varied problems that may not all be likely to appear on the exam but that will provide a deeper understanding of the material. If the quantity of practice probems is reduced, but the amount of rigor and variety is increased, students will be spending their time more efficiently rather than wasting it on hundreds of repetitive problems yet still not understanding the material. This would lead to a less superficial understanding of the material, and would reduce the need for students to seek additional, hard-to-find material to cover what the class failed to cover.

• Question that may arise from this: "Isn't an AP student's responsibility to independently seek resources to supplement what the teacher provides to them?" Yes, but this doesn't give teachers an excuse to make the class time-consuming and simultaneously superficial. Independence can be exercised within the course, not just outside of it, which brings me to my next point.

• If AP classes are supposed to model after college courses and focus heavily on independent learning, why are so many teachers still assigning things like key term sheets with CCQs and making them graded so students are forced to do them? Everyone has their own learning style, some more minimal or crazy than others, yet many inflexible AP classes are not accomodating to this fact. Diminishing unnecessary homework bulk will provide more freedom and time for students to learn the way they prefer, at a pace that they prefer. It would open up more space for getting help after school, and even self-studying if necessary.(Of course, pace still must be monitored and reinforced, just not ridiculously so.) This would satisfy the "independent learning" requirement.

• In my school, I have the reputation of being one of those students who always does their homework on time and rarely procrastinates. The reason why I get it done right away is that I'm the type of person who simply can't enjoy themselves knowing that there's unneeded work in the way. Notice how I'm only talking about "unneeded" work. Work that consumes time yet contributes little or nothing to my learning process, like sitting in a chair for half an hour trying to think of an insightful connection to a minor, abstract APUSH vocab word just because your teacher decided to make it a grade, actually hurts my learning process. Maybe for some, it would be helpful. That's fine. But don't make it required. Assign notes for a homework grade but have reasonable flexibility over the style and length--a basis for learning that each student can customize to fit their needs and schedules.

*If you're thinking, "If you dumb kids could learn time management, all your problems would be solved", yes, this might apply to students with hefty but manageable workloads or schedules, but once the workload gets large enough and you still want to maintain your grades, you're scientifically going to have to sacrifice something, be it sleep, your social life, a massive groundbreaking invention (who knows) that you're trying to draft, or even time to just...think. (Woah, teens THINK? Mind-blowing, right?) Even if you manage to fit 28 hours worth of activity into 24 hours, you would still sacrifice the quality of the activity.

TL;DR: If AP classes were cut down on the amount of homework assigned while increasing the amount of variety and challengingness in assignments, as well as giving students more personalized control over how they do the learning, the classes could maintain college-level difficulty while saving students' time, increasing students' understanding, and introducing college-level freedom that the classes previously lacked.

Nice. Even my TL;DR was too long to read.

I know, it's been a year...

...which just means I haven't had anything to complain about in a year. Isn't that nice. But I'm about to post something soon. Uh oh. 

Anyway, my arguing style has changed over the past year, and though I'd still make the same arguments today that I made last year, I'd do it a lot differently now. In fact, my style last year is honestly kind of cringe-inducing.

Also, I'm getting more views than I expected on that NHS rejection explication, so I just want to say that if you ever want to rip my ass apart in the comments, do it. I've only gotten positive remarks on my posts so far (not on this site), but I highly doubt everyone agrees with me. If you think you can prove me wrong, go ahead. I'm just a stupid 18 year old who forgot her calculator to her first SAT--I can't be that hard to beat. 

Well, I guess I can't claim that yet because I don't even know how well I can fight if nobody's even fought me yet. Whatever.

BS Explication: National Honor Society rejection letter (nhs-related rant part 2 of 2)

Warning: I haven't started writing yet, but this is probably going to be very long.

First, I would like to clarify that I'm not some stupid wannabe iconoclast who's just seeking out things to criticize to seem cool. I'm writing these commentaries because they come to my mind naturally, and it's just part of the perspective that I have. I criticize things because I see something wrong with them, not to seem different and snobby.

I've heard that some schools require students to write an essay or personal statement as part of the application to the NHS. My school's application, on the other hand, is just two pages full of boxes in which you fill in activities and hours, and they fall under three categories: leadership, out-of school and in-school activities. That's it. Shouldn't the signup protocol be a bit more uniform, especially for something with the word "national" in it? I mean, this wouldn't be as bad if it weren't for the claims that they made in their rejection letter. I originally wasn't intending to try to sign up again this year, but my mom forced me to (by the way, she actually said "JUST DO IT BECAUSE IT LOOKS GOOD"), so I decided to just do it for fun, knowing that I wouldn't get in anyway...and I didn't. Even though the rejection letter was the exact same one they sent last year, and even though I wasn't as serious about getting in this year, it somehow ticked me off even more this time. (...aaand here's where everybody jumps in going "OOOOH, SOUR GRAAAPES blah blah blah YOU'RE JUST BUTTHUUURT blah blah...")

So, now I'm going to pick it apart.

"I regret to inform you that the members of the faulty (sic) council were unable to select you for membership in the National Honor Society this year. The standards for membership are extremely high, and the faculty board take into careful consideration the strengths of each candidate in the four areas of scholarship, leadership, service and character. Each student who was considered demonstrated strengths in one, two, or three areas. However, only the students who demonstrated excellence in all four areas were selected for membership."

My first thought: "What the heck is a faulty board? Is it a group specifically assigned to pick out the faulty applicants? Ok, thanks a lot." (It's supposed to say "faculty", if you couldn't tell. I don't know, it took me a while. I'm dumb.) Anyway, the second sentence here is a bit contradictory. How is it even possible to take people into careful consideration--especially their CHARACTER--when the application sheet says so little about them? Each applicant is represented solely by their transcript and a list of activities. From this, the council judges whether or not you are fit for the next level of service. The only way to "carefully consider" people based on this information is to make a bunch of huge assumptions about them. 

"Know that to increase your chances of acceptance into the NHS you usually need to show a number of aspects about yourself. First, as much as you can you must have consistency in your volunteer service, a job, a sport, and/or something of the like from year to year."

Woah. You must have consistency? I'm pretty sure most people strive for consistency, but it isn't always easy for everybody to attain it. From my own personal experience, being consistent was a challenge. I joined cross country in freshman year and enjoyed it very much, only to be banned from taking part in any more sports after that season by my mom. She was afraid of me getting "health problems" and despised such "risky" activities as running in the rain. Since she's a natural hypochondriac with not the best health herself, I didn't dare put up much of a fight. However, I struggled to find a solid place in other extracurricular activities after that. So, although I did have several activities on my NHS application, there was barely any consistency. One could take one look at the first activity listed on my application, which was cross country, and correctly conclude that I quit; however, because there was no room for explanation or the human voice on the application, one would have to assume that I quit because I was uninterested, or uncommitted. A lack of committment demonstrates the  inability to be consistent. Due to the sheet's lack of freedom, they would never know my committment to running (in secret, of course) that cross country introduced me to, which that I have still sustained since quitting the sport. This isn't about me, though--this is about everyone with anything in their lives stopping them from being a <sarcastic tone>perfect, model NHS applicant</sarcastic tone>, but who still wants to and deserves to get in more than I did.

"Second, though it is not a requirement, being a leader is of benefit to you such as being a captain or co-captain of a sport, being an officer of a club, being an assistant manager at your job, or something that shows that you were in charge of people, places, products, etc. Third, it is important to remember that service and leadership are more impressive when they are a result of your own initiative rather than something you are doing to impress anyone."

Fair enough. Since leadership positions also aren't as accessible for some as they are for others, it's good that it isn't a requirement (which is actually surprising). However, the last sentence here is ironically saying "No need to impress anybody!" while the entire letter has been shouting "You have to do so-and-so to impress us!" the whole time.

"This is because the main mission of the NHS is to impact the entire community as a whole through initiatives and leadership."

Because of the "this is because", I feel like this translates to "If you haven't displayed much individual initiative, then you'll probably suck at making a difference in the community."

"Above all, remember to get involved. A desire to help others through the use of your talents is being a leader in its own right." 

Yes, I agree. But a desire is not good enough for you and your application sheet. You require a full manifestation of that desire that fits into one of your three categories. Desire comes with effort, but not always with an obvious display of it. What if someone's desire to help others existed only as an elementary idea, and they hoped that the NHS would have helped them make it a reality, only to get rejected because it wasn't something they could convey on such a limiting application?

That was the end of the letter, and before you complain that I'm asking too much of the NHS, I'm only suggesting a change as simple as an essay or personal statement added to the application. I know that humans aren't all psychic, and it's impossible for every applicant to be completely head-to-toe analyzed, and for every single piece of information about them to be considered. In fact, that would be a bit creepy.

A short essay in addition to the activity/leadership records would illustrate the interests and personalities of each applicant better. It would shine light on all of the people who are truly dedicated, rather than just those who are superficially dedicated.

The problem with extracurriculars. (nhs-related rant 1 of 2)

Time to complain even more. This is something I would like to address in the midst of National Honor Society applications.

Every time a program or activity tries to appeal to students, what do they say? "It looks grEAt on cOLLEge applicATIOns! ~enthusiasm enthusiasm grin grin~"

Then tons of people join the activity...because it'll look good on college applications.

But is that the point of activities? No.

In my experiences with community service, I feel like programs focused on volunteer work (such as the NHS and Key Club) have acutally somewhat devalued and taken the meaning out of service. It's no longer primarily about the people you're helping, but more about the HOURS and how it will polish up your application. The more HOURS you have, the better off you are. It's almost become a different kind of wealth. How do club presidents get more people to go to events? Lure them in with more HOURS. "Extra HOURS to those who do so-and-so at this event!"

Community service has also become simply an excuse to hang out with friends for some people. Wow, something where students can socialize and get hours at the same time? That's definitely sure to allure people to join. But then what happens if not enough people sign up for a certain event? I often overhear people saying, "I'm not signing up for anything this week because nobody else is going," or "I don't want to go there because nobody I talk to is there." It's one thing if a student has social anxiety, but otherwise, meeting with familiar friends is also not the point of volunteer work. Of course, due to the lack of mention of the true purpose of service and due to all of the emphasis on the superficial aspects of it, the activity only gets buried under more and more other superficial reasoning. 

As a result, lots of community service hours may not necessarily indicate that one is a leader, but probably mean that they are trying to spruce up their credentials. Meanwhile, the people who truly want to help are thrown in the same bucket as those who are doing it for themselves, with barely any differentiation. This system is also consequentially spitting out less considerate, vapid students because it is promoting a practice for the wrong (and selfish) cause. I'm not saying that most students don't care about helping out, but that most are attracted more by the social and application-polishing aspects of it because the actual service aspect is neglected when it is introduced to the students.

There's nothing wrong with community service.

There's just something wrong with the way it's presented to students.

intro: this blog was created so this post could have a home.

Tomorrow's my birthday. Right now I'm writing an essay. I have been writing this since 8 this morning. It is now 4:51 PM. Well, I haven't been writing consistently, but it's because I'm trying so hard. That doesn't make sense. I mean, it makes total sense to me, but probably not so much to you. Is it even possible to be trying hard yet not doing anything at all? This is how it's been going the whole time: (1) I write half a sentence. Then I (2) question what I'm doing, because it doesn't tie into the thesis which itself is very vague, and (3) start at the screen trying to make it fit. Then, once I've been staring long enough, I figure that if I don't stop, it'll bore smoking holes into my pupils despite my UV-ray-blocking glasses, so I then (4) get up and walk around in frustration. Walking makes me think of the lack of exercise I've been getting over the past two years. I do run once a week, but that's no good because I want to run every day. Then again, every time I run it feels like blasphemy to the pile of homework that is gasping for air in my backpack. Do I care about the homework? I can't tell. I can't tell what I'm doing at this point in my life. I can't tell if I'm taking an unhealthy amount of AP classes because I'm actually interested or because it's some sort of sick college admissions survival instinct (by the way, by "unhealthy amount" I only mean three, which is pretty much what everyone else is doing, but APUSH alone last year was already unhealthy enough). I also realized recently that I don't have a solid aim, either. Before I was all "I wanna be a super rich math major who has parties in Europe, so I better work hard now!", but is that really a genuine goal? No. Of course not. Why am I trying so hard to get into a certain college when I know that I'm capable of getting into a decent one regardless of how "above and beyond" I try? I don't know. I don't know. Anyway, after pacing around until my eyes don't kill anymore, I then (5) sit back down, but all I think of is the fact that this essay and prompt were handed to me, and I am being forced to expand the hell out of a fill-in-the-blanks argument that I have no passion about. The prompt also cackles at my lack of knowledge about the subject, which weakens even further my ability to create a solid argument. I know, I know--if I read more current events I would know more about this stuff. But I do read current events. Just not enough to at least sound like I know everything. Maybe I don't read about a diverse enough range of topics? But then, with the reading of the news comes a whole new pressure from society aside from to understand things. The pressure is so powerful that somehow I've just subconsciously decided that my hatred of it has eclipsed my will to read more. So, I stick to the major headlines, which are mainly politics and foreign affairs, and then scurry back to Lifehacker and Stereogum before my mental health takes a nosedive. 

Speaking of mental health, every day I wonder how I'm still sane. I had more to contribute to this post, but I think I have to get back to my essay now. I was going to insert a simile here, but all the examples I can think of are too obscene. 

Maybe I won't finish the essay.